“Resentment is like a glass of poison that a man drinks, then sits down and waits for his enemy to die.”
- Unknown

I had always considered myself to be a kind, loving, and generous person. I had always found forgiveness fairly easy to do. Yet, all of that changed when an act of carelessness on a highway resulted in a head on collision that claimed the life of my only sister. It was the only time in my life that something had been deliberately ripped from me that I could never have back. I was filled with a rage that I had never known, and all I wanted was revenge and justice. I was obsessed with it. Forgiveness was the farthest thing from my mind, and not only that, it was something I didn’t even know how to reach down deep enough to find

Early on during the grieving process, various friends and relatives became aware of my hate filled condition, and would lovingly advise that I forgive. I have to admit that those suggestions fell on deaf ears. My thinking was handicapped due to the rage and grief that I felt. At the time, I felt that forgiving was like saying that what had happened was “ok.” It seemed to me a betrayal.

It took nineteen months for me to grasp that forgiveness doesn’t mean that what happened was alright. It didn’t mean that I loved my sister any less by letting the hate and anger go. Forgiveness was something that I needed to do not even so much for the person who took my sister’s life, but I desperately needed to forgive for my own physical, mental and emotional well being. I needed to forgive because all of the negative emotions that I felt were holding me hostage day after day.

I am not saying that we have no right to ever feel angry or hurt. I think it’s important to give ourselves time to feel and process those emotions, but don’t wait too long to let it go. Otherwise, anger and bitterness will claim “squatter’s rights” to your heart and take up residence in your soul. Forgiveness not only releases the offender, but it also sets you free.

In essence: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” - Philip Yancey