“The surest way to make ourselves crazy is to get involved in other people’s business, and the quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs.” _ Melody Beattie
 
 
 

 

 

Relatives… Everyone has them. As harsh as it may sound, they can be divided into two categories: The Givers and the Takers. This article is being written with the “Givers” in mind. Hopefully, it will be read, understood, and heeded very early in your life.


 

Givers, as a rule, have boundary issues. The issue is that they don’t have any boundaries. There’s no lines clearly drawn, no fences set up, indicating what is their’s, what is not, and how far they will go, or what should (or should not) be expected of them. The Takers, being the creative, selfish, manipulative creatures that they are, know this. And they press in further and further trying to gain more and more of what never belonged to them in the first place, and have absolutely no right to claim or expect.


 

Givers are easily identified in the following ways:


 

*Givers usually have a problem saying “no.” It makes them uncomfortable to see, or to make, their loved ones unhappy. Givers may resent saying “yes”, but they would rather make their own self unhappy and miserable, than to make others feel that way.


 

*Giver’s feel responsible to try and control the actions and behaviors of those that they love by doing whatever they feel necessary to “rescue” them.


 

*Givers become increasingly tolerant of the inappropriate behavior of the Takers in their lives. They try to find ways to rationalize it. This gives the Takers more ground to take advantage, and to play out their lives in a totally irresponsible fashion.


 

*Givers get so tangled up in the lives of others that they become unhappy and their own lives suffer.


 

While it’s good to be a kind, generous, and caring person, it’s also necessary to establish some boundaries that clearly indicate what we will, or won’t do for others, and what we will not tolerate. It’s important to establish when it’s right to help someone, and when it’s time for them to learn to help their own self.


 

There are subtle clues that indicate that you might need to set some boundries within certain relationships in your life. If you find yourself saying things like: “I am fed up ”, “I am sick of….”, “I can’t take it anymore”, then it’s a good sign that you need to set  boundaries.

 

Learn to refuse to “rescue” and refuse to be rescued. Insist instead that everyone become responsible for their own life. You might make a few Takers upset when you pull the rug out from under them, but the goal here is to put some joy and peace back into your own life. Please trust that the world will not fall apart the moment that you realize that you are not the axis on which it spins.


 

Be good to yourself. Start treating yourself as good as you have always treated everyone else. Claim your property, set your boundaries, and build those strong fences. Learn to recognize what is your property, and what clearly belongs to someone else. If you must rescue someone then save yourself.