Take a good look at that picture.  It’s hard to imagine that a tiny spider could kill a bird many times it’s size.  How did that ever happen?  Mostly likely, the spider bit the bird to stun it, or paralyze it, and then began spinning a web quickly around it.  I would suppose that the bird tried to wiggle free numerous times before the web around it grew so tight that it became impossible.  I imagine that each time the bird would regain it’s senses and abilities, the spider would bite again, and spin it’s web a little tighter.  At some point, the bird stopped struggling and yielded to a slow painful death.  When I saw this picture, I could not help but see the similarities between the spider’s victim, and the victims caught up in abusive relationships. 

I am writing this as the second part of an earlier article: http://www.homespunhealers.com/emotionally-abusive-relationship  Be sure to read it first if you haven’t already.  It refers to the symptoms and signs of emotional abuse.  This article is being written as an exit plan for those suffering any type of abuse in a relationship.

Now that we clearly understand what abuse is, how do we go about removing ourselves from it’s web?  I am going to make a few suggestions, but please understand that they are not the only solutions available. The suggestions offered here are to serve as a spring board to formulate action.  So let us begin…

* Confide in someone.  Tell someone else that you trust about abuse you are suffering. It goes without saying that it should be someone that you know will not go to the abuser and share what has been said.  If at all possible, get into counseling. 

*  Facilitate an exit plan.  If you are actually living with the abuser, then leaving is all the more difficult. The abuser usually makes sure that they are in control of all finances, etc.  Still, help is available and THERE IS A WAY OUT.  Create two exit plans.  One plan in the event that you have to leave in a hurry, and another plan if you have time to prepare.  Prepare to do the following:

A) Look in the phone book and call a Woman’s Shelter. You do not have to give your name, and someone there can help you with a safety plan.

B) Hide an extra set of house keys and car keys somewhere outside the house. You might have to leave in a hurry.

C) Pack a bag in advance and hide it at a friend or neighbor’s house.  Avoid using next door neighbors, or nearby friends where the abuser might find this bag.  Things to include in this bag:

* Emergency cash, credit cards, extra clothes for you and your children

* A favorite play thing for each child.

* Medicines that you or your children take on a regular basis.

* Health insurance cards, birth certificates and immunization records for you and your children, school records, deed or lease to your house or apartment, check book and extra checks, social security cards for you and your children, green card/work permit, court papers or orders, drivers license or photo ID, pay stubs, and any other legal documents that you feel you might need.

* A list of the phone numbers of family, friends, and the numbers to your local woman’s shelter.

* If physical abuse is also involved, pack the evidence that you have been collecting of the abuse in this bag also.

* Photos and jewelry that you want to keep.

(PLEASE NOTE: If you are in a dangerous situation and need to leave immediately, FORGET the bag or what you will take with you, and just GO! Your safety is much more important than these things. The exit bag is only for those instances when someone has time to plan in advance.)

D) Getting a Protective Order might be part of your exit plan, or you can ask the police to escort you out of the house as you are leaving. 

E) If it is necessary for you to leave secretly, start making plans to cover your tracks.  A domestic violence worker, or a women’s abuse shelter, can help you facilitate this plan.

As you are leaving…

* Grab the bag you hid and all the documents you need. (Again, if it’s an emergency…Just GO!)

* Create a false trail.  Call hotels, real estate agencies, and schools at least six hours away from where you really plan to be.  Ask questions that will require them to call you back at your old phone number. Which is, of course, the abuser’s phone number.

* Leave when your abuser will least expect it. This will give you more time to get away before the abuser knows you are gone.

Finally, do not tell anyone that might tell the abuser where you are located.

The above plan is for those in extreme cases.  For many people, the most drastic step you will need to take is simply to remove yourself emotionally and stop all communication with the abuser. As simple as that sounds, it will be difficult for those caught up in the emotionally abusive web. 

I trust this article will help someone on their journey to freedom.  You will find another excellent article on abusive relationships at: http://ellenbesso.com/midlifemaze/?p=175.

Please feel free to leave your own comments, tips, and suggestions for those struggling to get free.