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Photograph of Candlewood Subdivision, Rocky Mount, NC - September, 1999

We’re expecting a hurricane tonight or early Saturday.  It’s been quite a while since we had  a hurricane, but a lot of people in our community still have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of the horrors of Hurricane Floyd back in 1999.  A very good friend of mine lost her home and many of her possessions in Floyd.  At least she didn’t lose a loved one as some of my students did.  The problem with Floyd was the flooding, not the winds.  Huge parts of my town were completely under water.  In some sections where there are retail stores, you could see refrigerators and dryers floating around.  Graveyards became unsettled and there were caskets floating around, even some decaying dead bodies that had come free from broken coffins.  Swine pools that normally keep the waste of hog farmers from contaminating the water supply were flooded and mixed right in with the water supply.  People were stranded in the attics of their homes, waiting for rescuers to come and saw through the rooftops to get them to safety.  Some people were just washed away in the tide of the raging river.  Pets were washed away, too.  It was devastating.  It wasn’t nearly as widespread as New Orleans after Katrina, not as many people were affected, but it was just as traumatic for our small community.  

So, when we did have a hurricane coming a couple of years ago, even though it wasn’t expected to be too bad windwise, nor was any flooding expected, still people were terrified.  No one expected the floods that happened in 1999 with Floyd either.  My friend who had lost her home in Floyd was frantic about moving things in her new house up to the second floor in case there was another flood.  She was going to travel to Raleigh to stay with her daughter’s family, but she was scared to death to leave her home unattended.  I felt so bad for her.  All the weather reports indicated that this wasn’t going to be a bad storm.  Logic told her that the kind of flooding we had with Floyd would not be likely to happen again in her lifetime.  After all, they had called that flood a hundred year flood, estimating that something that severe would only happen once every hundred years.  But still, in spite of all her mind knew, her heart and soul were deathly afraid.  There was nothing I could do or say to calm her.  She probably will be forever affected by the devastation of Floyd.

Life is like that.  Bad things happen.  And they often happen to very good people who don’t deserve it.  But as the Bible says, and particularly this applies to Hurricane Floyd, “The rain falls on the just and the unjust.”  Sometimes very bad people seem to have all the luck, thriving  while the rest of us good people don’t.  Take the rich oil companies getting even richer by the minute while some of my students can’t fill their cars with enough gas to come to class and have had to drop out of school.  In the end, it doesn’t matter if you live a good life or a wicked one.  Things happen.  And once they happen, they have lasting effects. 

I know I have eating issues that reach back to traumatic events in my childhood.  I know what some of the events were, and some I only have a vague notion of what they were because my mind has blissfully not allowed me to remember.  But I see the effects of those events right now in my life, every day.  I so want to be free from those events.  I dream of those horrible things that I don’t really know about.  I want to slumber silently and wake up not affected by all that has happened back then.  Can Post Traumatic Stress Disorder be cured?  I think it certainly can be helped.  I think time is a big healer.  Eventually, the fear subsides a little.  Maybe even it can leave entirely.  Some have to go through therapy to get help.  But I believe with all my heart that it can be overcome, especially if we want to overcome it.  It might not be easy, but it could be worth the effort.

So, Hurricane Hannah is threatening to make landfall along our coastline.  We, in all likelihood here, will only get some wind gusts and a good, soaking rainfall, which we need anyway.  But my friend is panicking, remembering how she was taken by surprise and terrorized by Floyd.  In her mind, no matter what the weather folks say, it could happen again, and maybe she’s even thinking that it will happen again.  So, she prepares and moves things to protect them, and she reluctantly and fearfully goes to stay with her daughter again.  There is Hurricane Ike out there that she fears, too, even though the weather folks say it will probably land in Florida, not up here in North Carolina.  And there is Hurricane Josephine, too, which the weather folks are expecting to just fizzle out before it reaches land.  That doesn’t quieten the fear.

The best advice anyone can heed when an impending hurricane is coming is to “prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.”  That philosophy works for most folks.  So, since I was one of the fortunate ones not severely affected by Floyd (my son was cutting our grass while neighborhoods nearby were using boats to travel around)  I do the necessary preparations:  I have bottles of drinking water available, batteries for flashlights and portable radios, and enough human and dog food to keep us going for a few days if we lose our electricity and don’t have a way to cook food.  I prepare for the worst.  I expect the best.  And for my friend, I just stand by and let her know that I understand the lasting effects of trauma.  Sometimes standing by is the most valuable thing you can do.

I debated whether to use this picture and whether to mention this very special day, but then I thought, it’s my life, my moment of jubilation, so why not?  It’s the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech.  What a powerful speech that is.  I never get tired of hearing it or reading it.  It’s a message of hope beyond all hope.  And I wonder if even Martin Luther King, Jr. dreamed when he said that he hoped for a day when his children would be judged, not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their characters, that a black man would have an opportunity to be the President of the United States of America.  I don’t think I ever really dreamed that would happen, just as I never dreamed that a woman might be President.  But after Hillary Clinton’s fantastic campaign for the Democratic Presidential nomination, I think I definitely will see a woman President in my lifetime, and maybe not too far in the future.  It seems this year, a lot of things that once seemed impossible are really possible.  I can’t wait to hear Barack Obama give his speech tonight, a speech that is being dubbed “The Dream Speech II.”  I’m so proud of him.  I’m so proud of his wife, Michelle.  She is the epitome of the woman that I hope to be.  I’m so proud that I had the opportunity to support him and vote for Obama  in the primary and that I will have the opportunity to support him and vote for him during his run for the Presidency.  This is monumental!  I just look at all the people there in the football stadium waiting to hear him speak.  Waiting to hear his hopes and dreams for our nation.  And we surely do need some hopes and some dreams. I first heard this remarkable man speak back in 2004 when he spoke at the last Democratic Convention.  I said to my husband, “Why can’t we be voting for him?”  And here we are, 4 years later, and we are getting the chance to vote for him.  Everything is possible if you want it badly enough and work hard enough for it. 

So, that brings me to reflect on my life, my new beginning, my hopes and dreams for myself.  I want to be re-created.  I want a healthier, leaner body that doesn’t feel tired and sluggish and much older than it is.  I heard Oprah Winfrey say that this is her year.  She was born in 1954 (so was I) and this year she turned 54 (so did I), so she claimed this year as “her” year.  And so have I!  I must admit that I have wanted to be thinner my whole life, but all I ever did was get fatter.  Until last year, when I lost 60 pounds!  And I seem to be floundering just a little bit now and not losing more, but not gaining it all back either!  I really don’t think I’ve ever really thought that I would be significantly thinner.  Until now.  I have been dreaming lately that I am thinner.  I always look so tall!  And I’m wearing clothes that flatter me.  And best of all, I’m able to move so freely.  I’ve even dreamed that I am running!  And I can remember before I lost the 60 pounds last year how I could barely wal because of the pain in my knees and ankles!  And in my dreams, I am running like a child!  Rita told me that since I’m dreaming it frequently, I must have decided that I can really do it.  And how would I ever really be able to do it if I didn’t believe I could?

Barack Obama’s supporters have loved to chant “Yes, we can!”  Because Obama has challenged us to not accept things as they always have been or as they are, but to change them the way we want them to be.  Yes, we can.  Yes, we can.  We absolutely can do anything that we can conceive if we believe we can and if we work hard enough.  Never forget the hard work part! 

But first, the dream.

P.S.  After Obama’s historic speech last night, a news commentator, who was choked up by his emotions said, “I can’t help it.  My critics will say I’m too emotional, but this man inspires me!”  We can all benefit from inspiration, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I, too, am inspired by this man.

This is a picture of Lady and Sons restaurant in Savannah, GA.  This is Paula Deen’s restaurant, and when we were on vacation, we made plans to stop in Savannah, hoping to be able to get a reservation at this very famous restaurant.  We did get a reservation for lunch, and it was worth the trouble of getting in line at 6:55 to wait for the reservation line to open at 9:30.  By then, the line waiting went all the way down the block and wrapped around the corner.  I don’t know how far it went then.  People love to come to this restaurant to experience the Southern cooking of Paula Deen.  The food was delicious, very rich, and very filling.  We started the meal with a fresh from the oven hoe cake and cheese biscuit, and then we helped ourselves to a buffet that included three meats (fried chicken, baked chicken, and baked pork ribs) and ten side dishes (creamed corn, butter beans, collards, mashed potatoes, gravy, macaroni and cheese, green beans, candied yams, black eyed peas, dirty rice, and one other item that I can’t even remember.  There was also a complete salad bar with home made dressings.  Then, there was dessert, a choice of banana pudding (my husband got that), peach cobbler (I got that), and Paula’s gooey butter cake.  We left there extremely full!  We plan to go again the next chance we get to go to Savannah.  Did I tell you that we ate a lot on our vacation?  That is probably an understatement.  I didn’t overdo it to the point that I was uncomfortably full, but I was never hungry; that’s for sure! 

So, when I got home, although I was glad to see my pugs, I really had a hard time adjusting to cooking my own food and turning down my own bed.  In fact, I have felt downright pooped for the past week.  I attribute some of it to the long drive and all the excitement of the cruise, and then the long drive back home.  That’s enough to wear anyone out.  But I figured I feel better after a few days at home.  I didn’t.  I still had extreme fatigue and aching joints and very poor sleep.  Of course, sleeping in a bed with two pugs, who take up enormous amounts of space for such little dogs, could add to the trouble sleeping.  But I just felt terrible.  I felt as if I had picked up some horrible virus or something.  I even spent some time surfing the Internet trying to figure out what kind of ailment I might have.  But then, all of a sudden, I knew what was wrong:  SUGAR!  I had been eating sugary desserts on vacation, and I hadn’t stopped even when I was back home.  And sugar always makes me feel bad.  I always have the achy joints, the headaches, the fatigue, the poor sleep when I’m ingesting sugar.  You might just say for all practical purposes, I’m allergic to it.  If you do some research on the Web, you will find lists of reasons not to consume sugar.  It’s basically poisonous to our systems, and I always feel horrible when I’m eating it. 

You probably are thinking, then why eat it?  Why, indeed!  I’m an addict when it comes to sugar.  I can’t just have a little.  Once I start consuming it, I crave it, and I eat a lot of it.  It would be best if I would just leave it alone and not have to go through withdrawal over and over again.  Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment!  More likely, I’m a glutton for sugary foods.  Anyway, although I really don’t get it sometimes, I finally got it:  cut out the sugar = feel better.  So, yesterday, I quit sugar again.  I’m already feeling much, much better.  I slept better last night.  And so far, I haven’t experienced any of the usual withdrawal symptoms.  Lucky me! 

I enjoyed my vacation, every single bit and bite of it.  I planned to indulge, but for some reason, I forgot about the adverse effects I could expect.  I did think of gaining weight, and gain weight I did, seven pounds.  But I forgot how poisonous sugar is to my system.  I forgot how bad I would feel as a result of my “going off the wagon.”  Still, it was worth it.  No regrets.  I’m just glad I figured out that I needed to come off my sugar high instead of facing some rare Caribbean disease!  Viva la vacation!  And viva la detox, too!

What’s not to like about a vacation where you get fancy folded towels on your bed that look like an elephant!  I just had the most glorious vacation I’ve ever had, crusing with my husband Jim and my friends Rita and Andy.  I am already investigating where and when I’m going to cruise next!  This cruise was a very good bargain, too.  And I loved being waited on hand and foot every single day.  I am so depressed to be home where the floors get dirty and the shower grows mildew and I have to turn down my own bed at night.  Not to mention that no one folds my towels into cute animals!  And probably worst of all, no one brings me a menu when I come home from work and asks me what I want to eat for dinner.  Oh well.  Nothing like a vacation can last forever.  If it did, it wouldn’t be vacation, would it?  That’s the kind of world we live in, a relative one.  There would be no vacation without hard work; there is no joy without some sorrow, too; there is no pleasure without a little pain.  But all the hard work surely makes the vacation extra good!  And this vacation in comparison with all others I have had rates top with me and my husband, too.

I ate a lot.  I didn’t overdo it.  I didn’t eat until I was uncomfortable, but I did eat warm chocolate melting cake with vanilla ice cream:  to die for!  And I had a few mixed drinks, which I never have at home.  I also managed to eat healthy fruit and vegetables every day, and I drank lots and lots of good water.  Still, I have gained some pounds.  I haven’t been on the scale yet because I just didn’t want to face it, but I can tell in my clothes.  And soon enough, I’ll step on the scales to see the damage.  I suspect that it won’t be as bad as it could have been!

Sometimes you just have to go for it and indulge yourself.  It’s worth it to do so.  Not every day.  But once in a while, you bet. 

I also got to eat lunch at Paula Deen’s famous restaurant, Lady and Sons, in Savannah, GA on the way back to North Carolina. The food was good, and the service was excellent.  I was so impressed by the way she makes sure her patrons are treated.  And I got one of her cookbooks from her store, autographed by the Lady herself.  Paula’s recipes are not the kind you’ll find in a weight loss book or even a healthy living book.  They’re rich Southern recipes involving a lot of sugar and butter and pork fat, you know, the things that make food delicious!  But as she says, “I’m not your nutritionist; I’m your cook!”  All things in moderation, though, even Paula Dean’s cooking.

Here is a picture of her restaurant and the line of people waiting to make reservations.

The wait is worth it!

(Pink Crape Myrtle, City Lake)

I’m writing this a full two weeks before it will be published because I will be out of town when it’s time for this to post.  By the time you’re reading this, I will have celebrated my sixth wedding anniversary and have completed my cruise with my husband and my best friend Rita and her husband to Cozumel, MX.  I think we had a glorious time!

I’ve never been to Mexico.  Except for a short cruise to the Bahamas and back several years ago, I’ve never been outside of the United States.  I have this phobia of going out of the country, but only to certain places.  I think the thing that frightens me most is that something would happen so that I can’t ever come back.  The United States is not the most perfect place on earth, I’m sure, but it’s my home, and I don’t want to have to live somewhere else, especially against my will!  So, I’ve never thought much about going abroad except to a few places.  Mexico is one of the “good” places I would risk going to.  Not that I’d want to live there forever either, but I figure with the cruise ship as my base, the worst that could happen is a pirate ship would attack us and take us for ransome.  Just kidding!  I would also be willing to risk going to England, Ireland, Scotland, or any of the Alpine or Scandinavian countries, Spain, Italy, Germany, France, and maybe Greece or Australia.  I would never go to most Eastern European countries or the Middle East or Africa or Asia or most of South America and even Central America.  I would go to Canada, but I don’t really consider that a foreign country.  I’ve been trying to decide what makes me fear some places and not others.  I thought at first it might be a racial thing, and I don’t like to think I’m racist at all, but I probably am a little.  But that is not what I’m afraid of, not the color of someone’s skin.  It has more to do with images of military coups involving  guns and big knives, or wild, untamed geography with ferocious wild animals that might eat me, or uncontolled diseases, or cuisine consisting of body parts that I don’t normally eat or insects of any kind.  In other words, I don’t want to go somewhere too exotic.  All of that scares me to the point that even as I type these words, I’mfeeling a tightness in my chest, and I’m slightly hyperventilating. 

This is definitely a phobia because I know that people go to exotic places all the time and come back to tell of the great times they had there.  Just last night, at my writer’s meeting, a friend talked about her trip to Sri Lanka, and I was thinking the whole time, Sri Lanka?  No way, Jose!  Another guest at our meeting was back in the United States on vacation, away from where she currently lives and teaches in Budapest.  Even that sounds too exotic to me.  I have visions of old movies with seedy looking caravans of people who would just as soon cut my throat as look at me.  Yet, she spoke of eating at McDonalds and TGI Fridays there.  A phobia is a fear of something that cannot hurt you, yet you fear it anyway.  Yes, this is a real phobia I have.

Another phobia I have is of frogs.  I know that most frogs can’t hurt me, although I have seen a picture of some huge, monstrous frog with a human hand hanging out of his mouth that really pictures what I feel about frogs in general.  But what I most fear about frogs is that they jump and scare me.  If I see a frog that is a good enough distance from me that I can move around it and keep my eye on its whereabouts at all times, I’m only mildly panicked.  But let a frog jump, and I’m going to scream and scare everyone else half to death.  The other night, I came home from teaching a night class, and there was a little frog sitting on my porch steps, catching bugs as they made their way to my porch light.  He was very small.  He could not hurt me.  I was fine standing in the driveway watching him eat the bugs.  But I wanted to go inside, and I could not bring myself to walk up the steps.  I knew that if I got that close to him, I would startle him, and he would jump.  I would have probably had a heart attack or at least have fallen on the steps and broken something.  I had to use my cell phone to call my husband to come outside and make the frog go away, so I could come inside.  Foolish, yes.  But I had to get inside and I saw no other way.

Fear is a helpful emotion.  God gave it to us to protect us.  Phobias can be harmful to us if we let them stand in the way of our normal, healthy lives.  I guess I’m just glad I don’t have a job as a journalist that might require me to travel to exotic places.  As for frogs, I take them one at a time as they come into my life.

Deb