Me, kissing Pacal the dolphin in Cozumel, Mexico

“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but
still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.”

Helen Keller
(1880-1968, American Blind/Deaf Author, Lecturer, Amorist)

My father used to tell me, “Deb, for heaven’s sake, do something.  Even if it’s wrong; do something.”  He would get frustrated because I would hesitate over making decisions, trying to weigh all sides and make all possible predictions.  I would procrastinate deciding what to do.  Of course, all of that was because for a long time, I was a perfectionist.  I got that from my mom.  You know the drill:  no matter what I did or how careful I was or how great the outcome, my mom was never pleased. I could never live up to whatever it was that she expected.  So, I became a perfectionist.  It makes perfect sense.  But you know what?  That was then.  Now is now.  I’m no longer a perfectionist, and I can see the wisdom when my dad told me to just do something even if it’s wrong.  Because the truth is that even if we make a mistake and do something “wrong,” so what?  It won’t be the end of the world if we make mistakes.  Of course, that doesn’t mean we consciously choose to do wrong.  It’s just that sometimes, even with the best of intents, what we choose turns out to be wrong.  The only answer to making a wrong choice is forgive yourself and move on.

I was asking my students yesterday, some of whom had not participated in the online discussion forum that I had assigned, why they hadn’t done it. If done well, it would earn thema 100!  If done, but lacking some part of what I asked, they might get a 90 or an 80.  If they did anything at all, I would have given them some points, probably not less than 70.  When they didn’t do it at all, I awarded them a 0 for their efforts.  Their responses all centered around this central idea:  we didn’t have time to answer all those questions and then go back and read everyone’s response so we could reply to their thoughts.  I asked them if they could have just read the responses of their classmates and replied to one of them.  The answer was, “Sure, I could have done that.”  So, I asked them why they would choose to get a 0 when they could have gotten a 70 for just doing something that would take very little effort.  Their answer, “I don’t know.”  I have always hated that answer!  I hope I made my point with them, that if they would just make the effort to do something, even if it’s wrong, I would not penalize them but so much. I asked finally, “Isn’t a 70 averaged into your grades better than a zero?”  They had to agree it was.  Besides, I figure if they take the time to go online and find the discussion forum and read the responses of their classmates and come up with a thoughtful reply, then they are likely to do more than just make a meager effort, and they could just decide to do the whole assignment. 

Another example of people doing nothing when they could at least be doing something, no matter how little that something seems to them, is people who won’t go to work because they can’t find the perfect job, paying the highest wage they expect they can get.  I don’t think there’s a thing wrong with spending some time looking for the best job, but there comes a time when it’s time to pay the bills, so they need to go to work, even if it’s at a job that they don’t intend to keep if something better comes along.  I am always amazed that some people think that making no money is better than making minimum wage!  Come on, zero versus something?  Something wins in my book any day. 

So, of course, all of this advice for everyone else also applies to me.  I may not get the whole house cleaned up, but I can probably get one room cleaned up.  Tomorrow I can do another room.  In a week, I’ve got my house done!  I may not have time to wash all the clothes in the hamper, but I can wash a load of towels and underwear and put them in the dryer while I go to work and fold them up and put them away when I get home.  Do you realize how much room towels take up in a hamper?  It looks as if I’ve done much more than just one load!  And what if I don’t have time to  go to the gym, or it’s too hot to go for a walk?  I can do some inside exercise.  And if I can’t make time for a whole hour of exercise, I can do 15 minutes now and 15 more minutes later and take an extra hike up and down the stairs at work and a couple of laps around the halls in between classes.  It all helps.  It’s all valuable. 

I’m never going to fall back in that perfectionist mode again.  What if what I’m writing here now is not my best effort as a writer?  At least I’m writing and using my mind to express myself.  I might not be able to be a Shakespeare, but I can be me.  And maybe I can be Shakespeare next time!

So, I’m with Helen Keller, a very wise woman:  I may not be able to do everything, or even a lot, but I can do what I can, and I won’t refuse to do that.