These roses are also from my rose bush that just seems to be taking over the side of my porch.  It’s called a Don Juan rose, very romantic.  I am just amazed every time I walk by there.  Never having any success with roses in my yard, I am just so shocked that this one seems to love it.  I guess you just have to find the perfect place, and this seems to be it for this bush.

What about my perfect place?  This is it, too.  Right where I am, just who I am.  I’ve been through a lot to get here, but I wouldn’t have gotten here except that I came the way that I did.  I love who I am and, even more, who I am becoming.  I love this new beginning, this becoming.  It’s time for it now. 

I’ve been working on changing my thoughts and consequently changing my actions.  My goal, or at least one of them, is to be healthier and thinner. My knees and ankles and feet are insistent that they not have so much weight to support any longer.  So, I’m heading for that lighter place where all my body parts can function at their best level.  I don’t know where that is, but I’ll know it when I get there.

One thing I’m doing to change my thoughts and actions is hypnosis.  I completed a course in hypnosis, so I am certified to perform hypnosis.  The way hypnosis works is that you make direct contact with your subconscious mind, which believes anything you tell it.  And based on what my subconscious mind believes, so I act.  I’ve been acting in a way that is unhealthy.  So, the scientific answer is change the thoughts; change the actions.  I’ve written a very specific hypnosis script that tells me exactly what I want myself to hear and to believe.  I’ve done this before, with a lot of success.  So, I’m doing it again, but it’s important to me this time to get the script just right for the person I am today.  I’m not the same person as I was when I did my first script, about a year ago.  When I have it exactly right, I’ll record it and then listen to it several times until I feel I don’t need to listen anymore.

Another thing I’m doing to help change my thoughts is to discover what some of those thoughts currently are or have been that do not serve me very well.  I guess I have to know what they are, so I know how to change them.  This week, I’m considering this question:  What do I want that I am not currently having?  I wrote a few things down such as a thinner body, a healthier body, and more money.  But as I continue to think about the question, I don’t think those are the things I really want that I don’t currently have.  I think it really boils down to a life without fear.  And it has hit me for the first time, how truly fearful I still am.  I think fear dominates a lot of my behavior.  So, that’s what I want that I’m currently not having: a life free of fear.  Now, I have to figure out what I need to do to have that.

Another question I am considering is this:  What were the rules in my family as I was growing up about deserving?  I don’t really know if these were rules, but somehow I got the idea that I only deserved good things for myself if I was good.  Also, I got the idea that I never was good enough.  Never.   I’m not blaming my parents.  In the past, I’ve tried to blame my mother, but I know that she loves me more than anything, and she always did and does the best for me that she knows how to do.  And I also realize that my mother operates on the same rules:  She only deserves something good if she’s good enough, and she’s never ever good enough.  No wonder I learned that from her.  But that’s not true.  We’ve learned a lie.  Maybe if I can get my mind straight about the truth, I can help her get hers straight, too.  Wouldn’t that be the coolest thing in the world?  But I know when it comes right down to it, I can only change myself.  But I also know that if I change myself, then others will change in relation to my change.  So, that’s quite powerful, isn’t it?  By changing myself, I change the whole world, to some degree.

So, goodbye life of fear.  Goodbye idea that I don’t deserve the absolute best things for myself.  Goodbye idea that I am never good enough.  I am free of fear, I deserve the best things in life, and I am good enough right this moment to have whatever I want and need to live the most glorious life ever.

Deb